dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize