i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
