even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
