I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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