4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize