RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
