Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
When are your genitals available?
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
