so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
