somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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