Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
