her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
