I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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