There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
