i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
