Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
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