that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
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