So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
