how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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