I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Where is the hickey?
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
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