My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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