The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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