the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
