Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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