Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
