she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
