my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Randomize
