hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
