guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
