i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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