What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
you win again, gameday.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
