I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
