im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
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