She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
