Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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