Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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