butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
