I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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