hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
