i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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