I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
