i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
