I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
