five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
