How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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