Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
