All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
