I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
