I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
40s are totally the cure
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
