I wish I could teleport
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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