I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
