She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
