I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
i've created a new STD.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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