8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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