i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
