I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
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