we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Please don't give away my fajitas
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