By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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