I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize