So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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