Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize