bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I came so hard my ears popped.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
