dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
