I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
