Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
