I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
the condom got lost in my hair
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
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