Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Randomize
